The Rocking-Chair

I was about thirteen years old when I learnt the concept of the rocking chair at a friend’s apartment. I might have been around eight when I first saw something close to a rocking chair. I vaguely remember my dad’s friend gliding on it with his knee on the seat, shins perpendicular to his thighs and resting on the seat, hands firmly holding the arm rest and his face pointed towards the back rest which made it impossible to see his expressions. The man’s posture resembled an overgrown baby in fetal position that was moving to attain the ideal position, but I wondered if he was actually pretending to be riding a horse or if he pretended to be the horse himself. It was more like a to and fro rhythmic motion of a half man-half horse, popularly known as “centaurs” among Harry Potter fans. The door for the room was partially closed and so I managed to get a sneak preview of this adult show. Almost instantaneously, I knew that kids weren’t allowed into the room that was presenting obscenity. Then I remembered why I was standing there in the very first place.
Some of my friends and I were playing dark-room, which was very popular in the 80’s, and we were supposed to be hiding inside the kids room while the seeker would come looking for us. Ingeniously, I left the room so they would be looking for me all night long. I left the obscenity and stealthily crept back into the kids room on all fours. To my surprise, the lights were already on. That meant that the game was over. That wasn’t possible because I was never caught. Once I cautiously entered the room, I saw two of the boys lying on the floor with their head and upper body stuck under the bed desperately trying to figure out the best position to get out while their two dogs were assisting them by ferociously grabbing and pulling on their trousers. Two other boys were having a great time wrestling with each other next to the study table for reasons I didn’t know.
At the end of that night I learnt the following:

Dogs are actually faithful

Certain humans have the capacity to change shapes to accommodate change in sizes

Centaurs were not a myth and they don’t look good even in the fetus

Boys, under the age of ten, love to suck on their own blood

That night took a huge toll on my mental and physical health in bringing peace back to the room and I didn’t come across a rocking chair for quite a while. Five years later, I saw a similar rocking-chair, the same posture of my father’s friend came to my mind. I concluded that back then he was either trying to test the strength of the chair or that he was a bad actor. I desperately wanted to own one right then and so I went to the furniture store that was conveniently located adjacent to my apartment building. Since I was penny-wise by nature, I didn't buy the chair during my first visit. After a few visits, the store manager quickly recognized me and was desperate to hear me make a deal with him. He was nice enough to allow me to test the chair each time I came into the store even though he very well knew I wasn’t gonna spend a goddamn pie on that thing. I used to glide on the chair for about 2 hours a week and head back home. It was like going to Chucky Cheese for free. The store even had a TV screen by the side and one day I moved the rocking chair so I could get a pretty good view of the movie “Crocodile Dundee” that was playing on HBO. We didn’t have HBO at home and I decided to take advantage of the situation. Unfortunately the store manager asked me to leave before I could finish the movie, so I never got to see the ending. The probability of the dundee loosing a battle or dying was almost none. Fortunately, the store manager did not have any eyebrows above his eyes, so I couldn’t figure out if he was actually angry or annoyed at me or if he was just a loud man by nature. I decided to be obedient and left the store without getting into a fight. After that embarrassing incident, I didn't go to the store for a very long time.

The conventional rocking chairs are unquestionably more innovative and fun compared to the modern ones with cushions and footstools. I never quite understood the use of a footstool for a rocking chair. It would be quite the workout for the thighs and abdomen to assist in the rocking motion while the legs are resting on a foot stool. It was shocking to see that rocking-love seats are being sold in stores. It seems redundant to have an artificial rocking motion while making love. There are also the rocking beds and cradles not just for babies but also for the grown ups. The last advice we want is from Dr.Phil on how to decorate rocking love seats and beds to transform lovers into ferocious tigers and lions.