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February 13, 2006

Beer at work - Part 2

Assalaam alaykum,

I have changed a couple of things on my blog, most importantly the title. I was deeply mulling over whether or not to change the title. Finally, I took the initiative to log onto blogspot and change the original blog title, for the better or worse. It’s sometimes a torture to come up with a title on your own; especially something that encompasses a whole range of topics from Bush to his antithesis homosexuality. Its not that I hate the language of Urdu, just that I needed to come up with something original, after all I stole it from the movie “salaam namaste” by appending “ass”. I also wanted to make it clear to the fundamentalists that I do not have anything against our brothers and to prevent them from getting agitated I chose my greetings well enough. Lately, I have been receiving some phone calls regarding the contents of my blog and it was difficult for me to describe the emotions of those people whether they were shocked in belief or bewailed in sympathy, and so came the description for my blog.

Getting back to the second part of my story. For those who are breaking their heads, the first part of the story is my previous post titled “Beer at Work part 1”.

(continued)



It took me a couple of days to mentally recover from the incident. Even though I did not end up committing the act of anal penetration with a beer bottle myself, I kept thinking it in my head and my mind would wander and wonder unsteadily for the next week or so.

[NOTE: Before I continue any further let me introduce character keys for the hypothetical act (described and visualized numerous times) to simplify the story; kid is the receiver, I am the giver, beer bottle is the tool, condom is the tool kit.]

Often, I would hallucinate in the streets of Ann Arbor during lunch hours and visualize the graphics of the hypothetical situation. Also, right around that time, news on the War in Iraq was the hot topic in the media. To add to my nightmares, Bush was going to be re-elected in a short while. Slowly the characters and the context of my dreams and hallucinations were transformed from me conducting the act of anal penetration on the kid to Bush on the Iraqis, the US army being the tool and Rumsfeld with his slimy hair-style being the lubricated tool-kit. To humor myself, I would visualize by interchanging the roles of the giver and receiver.

A few months passed without any trouble and I continued to work at the Michigan League. The kid and I actually ended up becoming good friends and I started appreciating his sense of humor for the first time in a long time. Sometimes we need juvenile humor to keep us young and healthy. But our friendship didn’t go too far. One day, the manager came up to me and said “Do you wanna earn more money? There is this friend of mine who wants somebody to maintain his lawn and clean his house. He pays $20 an hour, twice as much as what you are earning now. Looking at your sincerity at the League I thought of recommending you for the job. Are you convinced?” I was enticed by the money but it was sad that I had to leave my friend. Unfortunately money took precedence in my decision which I would very much regret later.

The good thing about the new job was that I didn’t have to walk too far from my apartment. It was a huge bungalow in the outskirts of Ann Arbor. I was really happy to see a small lawn of maybe 20 ft by 20 ft outside the house. There were some pretty flowers in purple, red and pink which I thought maybe his wife had planted. As soon as I opened the latch of the gate and entered his compound, a ferocious dog came running towards me and was about to grab my pelvic spare parts. But even before the dog did anything, I shouted my lungs out for help and started running towards the house, banging on the door maniacally. The dog followed me thinking I was the prey and all of a sudden I felt a sting of pain in my butt. Turning 180 degress, I saw my jeans from Express were completely ripped off behind me; I was now officially butt naked. Just in time the owner opened the door of the house and said “I’m so sorry that this happened. Benny gets very excited to see visitors. Are you the person who agreed to do my garden?”

I was in half mind to say that I had come to the wrong house and that I was looking for my cousin’s house. But I ended up forgiving the man and the dog and said “Yes that is me. Very nice to meet you. Maybe you could put a sign for the dog on your gate just so people don’t excite your dog too much.” Saying that I turned and showed him what his dog had done to my clothes. Seeing the ripped off jeans he apologetically said “I am really sorry. Let me give you some new clothes to wear. I don’t think you can walk back home like this.” I said “that would be great. Where do you think I can start?” He showed me around the house and gave instructions on what to clean and how to mow his lawn.

While we went from room to room, the dog too followed me just making sure I wasn’t stealing anything. The man gave me a new pair of shorts to wear and I was happy to cover myself and start work. The work was more laborious that I thought. He asked me to do nit bitty things like cleaning the window nets and grills, furniture, water his plants and even cleaning the bath tub. I started to work on each room when I finally came to the bed room. I was to dust underneath the bed, so I lay on the floor on my back and just had my head under the bed like car mechanics working on engines. It was a bed battle for me to work underneath without proper light. Besides, the man was watching TV in the same room which I didn’t pay attention to. After sometime I couldn’t help hearing the several moaning sounds from the TV where the actors were breathing very hard as though they were working out to the Richard Simmons show and finally I heard a guy shout as though he was bitten by a dog, very similar to the way I shouted. But I did not allow myself to be distracted.

After a couple of minutes I felt somebody lightly rubbing against my belly, but it was almost like an imagination. After a few more minutes, I felt a thrust on my pelvic region, I was pretty sure that was imagination too and that it must be that anal penetration story that’s causing me to be unstable. So I forced myself to focus on the job. But after a little while longer the thrusting got stronger and there was almost a roar. By then I had finished cleaning the bed and was enthused by the TV sounds and the thrusting. When I came out of the bed, the sight in front of me put me to complete tears and I knew I was quitting this job forever. It’s embarrassing to even discuss the situation. Great authors might write a 500 page memoir describing the situation, and this one would actually be true. I knew that the next few weeks were going to be spent dreaming with the roles of the giver, receiver, tool and tool-kit being changed drastically. Even today I wonder how could a domesticated dog like a pitbull watch gay porn on TV and simultaneously pretend to have sex with a man while the owner watches the live scene to jerk off.

2 Comments:

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