Addictions and duped
Hey ya'll,
The last couple of weeks have been crazy in terms of my life, career and ofcourse news. The news is addictive with one half filled with unwanted gossip, one quarter filled with propaganda and the rest quarter filled with commercials that tempt you to bankruptcy. Seriously, sitting in front of the TV gave me the following problems that abruptly halted my writing.
- Made me a couched potato with a capital P and maybe even O.
- Ate so much fries that the next door neighbor bought me an air freshner and my poor room mate now wears a mask resembling a WMD inspector.
- I now know that donald trump would have dated his daughter if she weren't his ...daughter.
- I can't use the simile "to walk on water like jesus". Seems like even jesus didn't walk on water - scientists claim water was frozen at that time.
- I also learnt that Bush's spanish is as bad as his english because he and rumsfeld grew up speaking clingon.
One can see why the news is so addictive. Becuase we love to cry and sob over any tragedy. And the media does a great job of portraying tragedy closest to us. Infact, watching the news made me so depressed that I sat back identified the cause for this inexplicable symptom for news. I researched on NEWS. Initially I thought that any information that was new was news. But somewhere down the line there was a mess and now a former acronymn has been transformed into a noun that conveys a bad meaning.
So I vowed that I wouldn't watch TV for a couple of days and so decided to get out of the house and drive to Chicago to meet my girlfriend, Sapna. It was a saturday and we leisurely went to the grocery store in chicago to buy some produce. Not surprisingly, we saw a couple who were Indian, the world's largest vegetarian population. But this couple was different. The wife first gave me a mile wide smile as though she had known me for years. Politely I returned the gesture. Then the man followed with another broad smile. I was pretty sure we hadn't met before. I know my memory is horrible but not so horrible that I dont recognize people. Then he stopped me by the arm and said "Do you work in downtown with a financial firm?". Now in any other situation I would have doubted the person to have some ulterior motive to stop me and interrogate me. But in this case, the man was with his wife and an elderly woman who happened to be his mom, which is why I trusted him but I would regret that later.
"No I don't. I just came to visit for the weekend." I said.
"Oh, sorry I just thought you might be someone I know. I am Jignesh btw, a gujju. Typical gujju name hehe." said he.
What a weird way to introduce oneself, I thought. But I still gave him a chance for being nice and friendly. And every member introduced themselves except Jignesh's mom who shows a namaste like the news readers in doordarshan TV before they start anything. Then we get into talking about what each of us does for a living. Learning that I was in the Biotech sector he became very interested and said that he might be have a position at his company, which does genetic stuff. I got really excited, so excited that I cooked pasta and drank wine to celebrate that night. The next day he calls me up and says that he would like to come to the Univ of Michigan campus and interview me. I thought wow, this is the best thing that could happen to anyone, job knocking at your door step. I eagerly wait for Jignesh to come the following week to ann arbor. He comes to my apartment. I offer him a seat. We talk about our respective weeks and weekends and plans etc and then finally get down to talking business.
"So can you explain a little but more about this position?" I said.
"Yeh, the company is called Interleukin. They do genetic research. Could you give me a notepad and pen so I can explain to you in detail?" said Jignesh.
I became apprehensive. I was now only 50% convinced that this was not what I thought was going to be. But, what the hell, I thought I wouldn't waste too much time on this stuff anyway and the worst thing that could happen was that this was not the right job for me and I could always come out of it.
"Here you go." I said giving him a sheet and a pen.
"Great. So lets start"
Jignesh makes four columns and writes walmart, hotmail, franchise and advertising. None of which have any connection to genetics.
My stomach started to churn a little since I had a bad feeling that this was not what I was expecting out of genetic research. And I had been through this lesson before but the way in which Jignesh was explainng told me that this might be something different.
Then he goes about explaining the business models of walmart and hotmail and how they manage to make so much money. His mannerisms conveyed a sense of considereable prepardness and spadework. "Walmart can make so much money because they sell things that are re-usuable." Said jignesh.
I thought " Wait a minute. what? thats Bull S**T. Thats not why they are the biggest retail store in the world. And thats definitely not why all businesses are successful". But i was polite enough not to point it out. I was pretty convinced that this was the Amway/multi-level marketting scheme that so many indians are into these days. All I was framing in my mind was how I could get rid of this guy.
Then my room mate comes into the living room where we were sitting and I took the perfect opportunity to cut the conversation and make an intrusive intriduction. My room mate who happens to be an American born Indian from Gujju origin. The first thing I say is that "he is gujju like you jignesh." But my room mate gave him the smack down and ran upstairs as fast as he could to escape from the scheme. Later I found out that he could tell from the sheet of paper which had the drawing that closely resembled the pyramid, sphinx.
Coming back to Jignesh. " We have studied the models of all the major firms like hotmail, gmail and walmart and have come up with specific models. Our models are now taught in B-schools like harvard and stanford too." he said
I wanted to throw up on him. I firmly said I wasn't interested and that he would just be wasting both our time trying to get me join the scheme.
"Okay. Can you tell me why?" he said persistently.
"Because I am not interested and I dont have the time." I said
He looked up at the ceiling as though there was an insect and thought for a while and then wrote the words 'interest' and 'time'. Then he cancels interest and asks "If you were interested do you think time would be an issue?"
I just burst out laughing and said "But there is no if. I am not interested period."
He didn'nt know what to say next. He took a deep breath and loooked back at the sheet which had the two words on it. He then said "Would you be interested in atleast trying our product?"
I agreed to that thinking I could escape for the time being and then never ever take his phone calls again. He then went on to explain the gamut of products. The first product he showed was an energy drink called "Nutrient plus" and he said that it tastes like badam milk with all the nutrients.
"I have it daily. I don't exercise and it is very good because it gives me all the nutrients. I usually adds bananas and strawberries for potassium and anti oxidants. Sometimes I even add protein powder for extra protein." he said.
Then I thought why would anyone add more stuff to a nutrient rich drink for more nutrients?
"Do you exercise?" he asked me.
"No"
"Great. You should definitley get this" he said.
This is the first time someone appreciated the lack of exercise in my life-style.
The second product he showed me was "Eloncream".
"Do you sometimes feel dejected in life? Do you feel like nobody respects you enough and that you lack in confidence?" he asked me.
"I am not aggressive but I dont think I lack in confidence." I said
"But you try this cream. It gives you great confidence and strength." he said with a wink.
Once I read the full instructions I got the picture. He was trying to sell a product that would increase the size of my privates. He didn't even think if it was offensive to reccomend such a product voluntarily to a male.
And then he takes out a product called "Lavia".
"You might not need it now but maybe after marriage." I was too skeptical after eloncream I was wondering what this might be. I just hoped it wasn't viagara. But worse, it turned out to be a breast cream to make it more plump and increase it by two cup size.
"why would I use such a thing". I asked him iritably.
He said "Later when you get married and are not satisfied then maybe you can use it on your wife." He gave a slimy grin.
In fury I said "I am sorry I really have to go to a meeting in 5 min. I cannot have this conversation anymore"
"Okay but let me leave you these samples. You can try them and contact me if the effect are good. I assure you will see the effects in hours. You will want more of them soon. I promise" he said winking his left eye.
I kept quiet and showed him the door.
We then shook hands and he said that we should still be friends. Parting his gooey hand he left my apartment.
It had been a while since I had gotten duped by these scehem walas but this one was different. I guess now they have taken a different strategy in duping people. What the hell, I now have funny story to share.
The last couple of weeks have been crazy in terms of my life, career and ofcourse news. The news is addictive with one half filled with unwanted gossip, one quarter filled with propaganda and the rest quarter filled with commercials that tempt you to bankruptcy. Seriously, sitting in front of the TV gave me the following problems that abruptly halted my writing.
- Made me a couched potato with a capital P and maybe even O.
- Ate so much fries that the next door neighbor bought me an air freshner and my poor room mate now wears a mask resembling a WMD inspector.
- I now know that donald trump would have dated his daughter if she weren't his ...daughter.
- I can't use the simile "to walk on water like jesus". Seems like even jesus didn't walk on water - scientists claim water was frozen at that time.
- I also learnt that Bush's spanish is as bad as his english because he and rumsfeld grew up speaking clingon.
One can see why the news is so addictive. Becuase we love to cry and sob over any tragedy. And the media does a great job of portraying tragedy closest to us. Infact, watching the news made me so depressed that I sat back identified the cause for this inexplicable symptom for news. I researched on NEWS. Initially I thought that any information that was new was news. But somewhere down the line there was a mess and now a former acronymn has been transformed into a noun that conveys a bad meaning.
So I vowed that I wouldn't watch TV for a couple of days and so decided to get out of the house and drive to Chicago to meet my girlfriend, Sapna. It was a saturday and we leisurely went to the grocery store in chicago to buy some produce. Not surprisingly, we saw a couple who were Indian, the world's largest vegetarian population. But this couple was different. The wife first gave me a mile wide smile as though she had known me for years. Politely I returned the gesture. Then the man followed with another broad smile. I was pretty sure we hadn't met before. I know my memory is horrible but not so horrible that I dont recognize people. Then he stopped me by the arm and said "Do you work in downtown with a financial firm?". Now in any other situation I would have doubted the person to have some ulterior motive to stop me and interrogate me. But in this case, the man was with his wife and an elderly woman who happened to be his mom, which is why I trusted him but I would regret that later.
"No I don't. I just came to visit for the weekend." I said.
"Oh, sorry I just thought you might be someone I know. I am Jignesh btw, a gujju. Typical gujju name hehe." said he.
What a weird way to introduce oneself, I thought. But I still gave him a chance for being nice and friendly. And every member introduced themselves except Jignesh's mom who shows a namaste like the news readers in doordarshan TV before they start anything. Then we get into talking about what each of us does for a living. Learning that I was in the Biotech sector he became very interested and said that he might be have a position at his company, which does genetic stuff. I got really excited, so excited that I cooked pasta and drank wine to celebrate that night. The next day he calls me up and says that he would like to come to the Univ of Michigan campus and interview me. I thought wow, this is the best thing that could happen to anyone, job knocking at your door step. I eagerly wait for Jignesh to come the following week to ann arbor. He comes to my apartment. I offer him a seat. We talk about our respective weeks and weekends and plans etc and then finally get down to talking business.
"So can you explain a little but more about this position?" I said.
"Yeh, the company is called Interleukin. They do genetic research. Could you give me a notepad and pen so I can explain to you in detail?" said Jignesh.
I became apprehensive. I was now only 50% convinced that this was not what I thought was going to be. But, what the hell, I thought I wouldn't waste too much time on this stuff anyway and the worst thing that could happen was that this was not the right job for me and I could always come out of it.
"Here you go." I said giving him a sheet and a pen.
"Great. So lets start"
Jignesh makes four columns and writes walmart, hotmail, franchise and advertising. None of which have any connection to genetics.
My stomach started to churn a little since I had a bad feeling that this was not what I was expecting out of genetic research. And I had been through this lesson before but the way in which Jignesh was explainng told me that this might be something different.
Then he goes about explaining the business models of walmart and hotmail and how they manage to make so much money. His mannerisms conveyed a sense of considereable prepardness and spadework. "Walmart can make so much money because they sell things that are re-usuable." Said jignesh.
I thought " Wait a minute. what? thats Bull S**T. Thats not why they are the biggest retail store in the world. And thats definitely not why all businesses are successful". But i was polite enough not to point it out. I was pretty convinced that this was the Amway/multi-level marketting scheme that so many indians are into these days. All I was framing in my mind was how I could get rid of this guy.
Then my room mate comes into the living room where we were sitting and I took the perfect opportunity to cut the conversation and make an intrusive intriduction. My room mate who happens to be an American born Indian from Gujju origin. The first thing I say is that "he is gujju like you jignesh." But my room mate gave him the smack down and ran upstairs as fast as he could to escape from the scheme. Later I found out that he could tell from the sheet of paper which had the drawing that closely resembled the pyramid, sphinx.
Coming back to Jignesh. " We have studied the models of all the major firms like hotmail, gmail and walmart and have come up with specific models. Our models are now taught in B-schools like harvard and stanford too." he said
I wanted to throw up on him. I firmly said I wasn't interested and that he would just be wasting both our time trying to get me join the scheme.
"Okay. Can you tell me why?" he said persistently.
"Because I am not interested and I dont have the time." I said
He looked up at the ceiling as though there was an insect and thought for a while and then wrote the words 'interest' and 'time'. Then he cancels interest and asks "If you were interested do you think time would be an issue?"
I just burst out laughing and said "But there is no if. I am not interested period."
He didn'nt know what to say next. He took a deep breath and loooked back at the sheet which had the two words on it. He then said "Would you be interested in atleast trying our product?"
I agreed to that thinking I could escape for the time being and then never ever take his phone calls again. He then went on to explain the gamut of products. The first product he showed was an energy drink called "Nutrient plus" and he said that it tastes like badam milk with all the nutrients.
"I have it daily. I don't exercise and it is very good because it gives me all the nutrients. I usually adds bananas and strawberries for potassium and anti oxidants. Sometimes I even add protein powder for extra protein." he said.
Then I thought why would anyone add more stuff to a nutrient rich drink for more nutrients?
"Do you exercise?" he asked me.
"No"
"Great. You should definitley get this" he said.
This is the first time someone appreciated the lack of exercise in my life-style.
The second product he showed me was "Eloncream".
"Do you sometimes feel dejected in life? Do you feel like nobody respects you enough and that you lack in confidence?" he asked me.
"I am not aggressive but I dont think I lack in confidence." I said
"But you try this cream. It gives you great confidence and strength." he said with a wink.
Once I read the full instructions I got the picture. He was trying to sell a product that would increase the size of my privates. He didn't even think if it was offensive to reccomend such a product voluntarily to a male.
And then he takes out a product called "Lavia".
"You might not need it now but maybe after marriage." I was too skeptical after eloncream I was wondering what this might be. I just hoped it wasn't viagara. But worse, it turned out to be a breast cream to make it more plump and increase it by two cup size.
"why would I use such a thing". I asked him iritably.
He said "Later when you get married and are not satisfied then maybe you can use it on your wife." He gave a slimy grin.
In fury I said "I am sorry I really have to go to a meeting in 5 min. I cannot have this conversation anymore"
"Okay but let me leave you these samples. You can try them and contact me if the effect are good. I assure you will see the effects in hours. You will want more of them soon. I promise" he said winking his left eye.
I kept quiet and showed him the door.
We then shook hands and he said that we should still be friends. Parting his gooey hand he left my apartment.
It had been a while since I had gotten duped by these scehem walas but this one was different. I guess now they have taken a different strategy in duping people. What the hell, I now have funny story to share.
posted by Mt. Heaven at 10:13 AM
1 Comments:
k, maybe you should stop by the duder to pick up some books to do a crash course on "sketchy schemes" - you know, just to be familiar with the terminology :)
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