Karmic Gap

We live in a pluralistic society. Each and every speck of living matter has tasted a pinch of their own kind that differ in all possible ways namely race, gender, crusty, crumbly, young, adult, haggard, exhausted, shrinking templed, grizzly haired, grey haired, ear and nose haired, whiny, bitchy, patriarchal, stubborn, adamant, controlling, rusty, stinky (due to age or the lack of any contact with water or soap, popular among teens due to a mentally developed aversion), etc. If you don't have a clue of what I am talking about read furthur.

There is prejudice w.r.t the simplest and most basic properties that one is born with like their shades of skin color judged by how fair and lovely you are born, class which is usually judged by how much of fair and lovely cream you can afford or how organic you can get when buying vegetables, intellectual capability judged by the number of words you pretend to know from the dictionary (most of which turn out to be colloquial) and the number of acronyms that are adjoined to your name (to convey some sort of proverbial truth i.e. accomplishments that might not be obvious from the name itself), the fruity or musky smelling bodies, the country and continent you are born in which has developed a list acronyms such as FOB, ABCD, LTOB, etc and most importantly prejudice w.r.t age unless of course if you are Jessica Simpson who wishes she were mentally older or Michael Jackson who “wishes” he were still a kid or at least a white male even though the plastic on his face is melting down and soon he would be magically extrapolated from his skin as the Beijing Tigers with a morbid dread of effeminate laughter lines.

There is prejudice even w.r.t the honorific you indicate when you buy a flight ticket at Emirates, a world class United Arab Emirates based airlines, which not only requires your name, address and passport number but also an honorific which include a gamut of options such not only Mr, Mrs, etc but also Al Haj (For muslims who have completed their visit to Mecca), Sri/Srimathi, Archbishop, president, minister, Sultan, etc. So if you indicate a Sultan, president or celebrity you are automatically assigned first class in the flight unless you are a Jew in which case you will be denied a ticket and transferred to Israir airlines.

Since we are all born with these differences, I call it the Karmic gap. It was nobody’s fault that hitler had only one testicle, or that Cher was born a woman, or that I am an engineer and in the same token it was nobody’s fault that a yale student graduating with a C heads a powerful nation either. Some groups call it fortune; I won’t even go to the extent of calling it misfortune but Karma. In the same way, I consider the generation gap as an element of karmic gap. I am sure every one of us has heard an older member of our family or friend telling us that “in my days things were so much harder. You guys are having it so easy.” Looking around at my generation I wonder if the “having it so easy” really referred to alcohol, drugs, sex, porn, etc in which case it’s an affirmative Yes but if it refers to our lives then it could vary since I can’t really speak for Paris Hilton's “troubled life” fighting out the lawsuit for her lost sex tapes. Every member talks about how great their respective generation is. So the other day I took a look at our previous generation i.e. our parents who grew up approximately just after the Second World War and around the Indian partition and independence. What would it be like for us growing up then with today’s mindset?

My interest towards generation gap was born out of the conversation I struck with a british man in his 50’s the other day and we somehow got down talking about men in 50s’ favorite topic - generation gap. He said “We drank water from the garden hose and not from a bottle. Horrors! We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then rode down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times we learned to solve the problem. We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on. No one was able to reach us all day. Unthinkable! We played 'tag' and 'it' - and cricket, sometimes that hard ball would really hurt. We got cut and broke bones and broke teeth, and strangely there were no law suits from these accidents. They were accidents. No one was to blame, but us. Do you remember accidents? We had fall outs, thumped each other, and got black and blue and learned to get over it.”

I was praying I wouldn't convulse in hysterical amusement when I heard him talk. I really can’t speak for the women back then since a. I am not one and b. they didn't play a big part in anything besides getting pregnant, raising us slobs and cleaning the house, none of which I have expertise in. So let me speak for the men since they were the “responsible” chums who used to play cricket outside their house without gloves and pads, getting hurt at the wrong places and not being able to sue companies for injuries. They created babies out of nowhere just from kissing the opposite sex. Back then, even movies never showed any unwanted scenes, usually love making scenes transformed into birds chirping and flying into azure skies or flowers blooming. Entertainment was so much different, even the Beatles were big back then and in general, songs did not contain lyrics that were pornographic like the ones now by Tyrese, Beyonce or Marques Houston. Even the ones that are now "PG-13" kind are way too sexual. The list of words in the dictionary has now increased drastically with words like bootilicious (not sure of the correct spelling). On the other hand, this is also the age of the i-pod and the numerous sleek devices available on the market that allow american parents to monitor their kids at each and every step they are taking for which the poor asian parents and kids are slogging at the manufacturing depts of Taiwan and China. I don't even want to go to the call center story.

I hope you can see what my point is (I really feel sorry for people who are confused at this point. You just need to think harder and come out of the box. You might then get somewhere!)

My theory is that the world is heading towards a single point. Over time, with all the inter-racial mixes of different colors, there would just be one color. Can't say which one that would be, maybe a shade of mahogony? And with the baby boomers and advancement in stem cell research (scientists claim to extend human life to 5000 yrs)there would just be one generation. With the rising middle class and diminishing pooor and rich there would just be one class. Anyway thats my ideal world afterall. Who knows what its gonna be like. But I doubt if there ever will be a universal religion in which case Tom Cruise is screwed. Embracing the karmic gap and accepting one another's differences is the only way to survive this world that is flat.

Addictions and duped

Hey ya'll,

The last couple of weeks have been crazy in terms of my life, career and ofcourse news. The news is addictive with one half filled with unwanted gossip, one quarter filled with propaganda and the rest quarter filled with commercials that tempt you to bankruptcy. Seriously, sitting in front of the TV gave me the following problems that abruptly halted my writing.

- Made me a couched potato with a capital P and maybe even O.

- Ate so much fries that the next door neighbor bought me an air freshner and my poor room mate now wears a mask resembling a WMD inspector.

- I now know that donald trump would have dated his daughter if she weren't his ...daughter.

- I can't use the simile "to walk on water like jesus". Seems like even jesus didn't walk on water - scientists claim water was frozen at that time.

- I also learnt that Bush's spanish is as bad as his english because he and rumsfeld grew up speaking clingon.

One can see why the news is so addictive. Becuase we love to cry and sob over any tragedy. And the media does a great job of portraying tragedy closest to us. Infact, watching the news made me so depressed that I sat back identified the cause for this inexplicable symptom for news. I researched on NEWS. Initially I thought that any information that was new was news. But somewhere down the line there was a mess and now a former acronymn has been transformed into a noun that conveys a bad meaning.

So I vowed that I wouldn't watch TV for a couple of days and so decided to get out of the house and drive to Chicago to meet my girlfriend, Sapna. It was a saturday and we leisurely went to the grocery store in chicago to buy some produce. Not surprisingly, we saw a couple who were Indian, the world's largest vegetarian population. But this couple was different. The wife first gave me a mile wide smile as though she had known me for years. Politely I returned the gesture. Then the man followed with another broad smile. I was pretty sure we hadn't met before. I know my memory is horrible but not so horrible that I dont recognize people. Then he stopped me by the arm and said "Do you work in downtown with a financial firm?". Now in any other situation I would have doubted the person to have some ulterior motive to stop me and interrogate me. But in this case, the man was with his wife and an elderly woman who happened to be his mom, which is why I trusted him but I would regret that later.

"No I don't. I just came to visit for the weekend." I said.

"Oh, sorry I just thought you might be someone I know. I am Jignesh btw, a gujju. Typical gujju name hehe." said he.

What a weird way to introduce oneself, I thought. But I still gave him a chance for being nice and friendly. And every member introduced themselves except Jignesh's mom who shows a namaste like the news readers in doordarshan TV before they start anything. Then we get into talking about what each of us does for a living. Learning that I was in the Biotech sector he became very interested and said that he might be have a position at his company, which does genetic stuff. I got really excited, so excited that I cooked pasta and drank wine to celebrate that night. The next day he calls me up and says that he would like to come to the Univ of Michigan campus and interview me. I thought wow, this is the best thing that could happen to anyone, job knocking at your door step. I eagerly wait for Jignesh to come the following week to ann arbor. He comes to my apartment. I offer him a seat. We talk about our respective weeks and weekends and plans etc and then finally get down to talking business.

"So can you explain a little but more about this position?" I said.

"Yeh, the company is called Interleukin. They do genetic research. Could you give me a notepad and pen so I can explain to you in detail?" said Jignesh.

I became apprehensive. I was now only 50% convinced that this was not what I thought was going to be. But, what the hell, I thought I wouldn't waste too much time on this stuff anyway and the worst thing that could happen was that this was not the right job for me and I could always come out of it.

"Here you go." I said giving him a sheet and a pen.

"Great. So lets start"
Jignesh makes four columns and writes walmart, hotmail, franchise and advertising. None of which have any connection to genetics.

My stomach started to churn a little since I had a bad feeling that this was not what I was expecting out of genetic research. And I had been through this lesson before but the way in which Jignesh was explainng told me that this might be something different.

Then he goes about explaining the business models of walmart and hotmail and how they manage to make so much money. His mannerisms conveyed a sense of considereable prepardness and spadework. "Walmart can make so much money because they sell things that are re-usuable." Said jignesh.

I thought " Wait a minute. what? thats Bull S**T. Thats not why they are the biggest retail store in the world. And thats definitely not why all businesses are successful". But i was polite enough not to point it out. I was pretty convinced that this was the Amway/multi-level marketting scheme that so many indians are into these days. All I was framing in my mind was how I could get rid of this guy.

Then my room mate comes into the living room where we were sitting and I took the perfect opportunity to cut the conversation and make an intrusive intriduction. My room mate who happens to be an American born Indian from Gujju origin. The first thing I say is that "he is gujju like you jignesh." But my room mate gave him the smack down and ran upstairs as fast as he could to escape from the scheme. Later I found out that he could tell from the sheet of paper which had the drawing that closely resembled the pyramid, sphinx.

Coming back to Jignesh. " We have studied the models of all the major firms like hotmail, gmail and walmart and have come up with specific models. Our models are now taught in B-schools like harvard and stanford too." he said

I wanted to throw up on him. I firmly said I wasn't interested and that he would just be wasting both our time trying to get me join the scheme.

"Okay. Can you tell me why?" he said persistently.

"Because I am not interested and I dont have the time." I said

He looked up at the ceiling as though there was an insect and thought for a while and then wrote the words 'interest' and 'time'. Then he cancels interest and asks "If you were interested do you think time would be an issue?"

I just burst out laughing and said "But there is no if. I am not interested period."

He didn'nt know what to say next. He took a deep breath and loooked back at the sheet which had the two words on it. He then said "Would you be interested in atleast trying our product?"

I agreed to that thinking I could escape for the time being and then never ever take his phone calls again. He then went on to explain the gamut of products. The first product he showed was an energy drink called "Nutrient plus" and he said that it tastes like badam milk with all the nutrients.

"I have it daily. I don't exercise and it is very good because it gives me all the nutrients. I usually adds bananas and strawberries for potassium and anti oxidants. Sometimes I even add protein powder for extra protein." he said.

Then I thought why would anyone add more stuff to a nutrient rich drink for more nutrients?

"Do you exercise?" he asked me.

"No"

"Great. You should definitley get this" he said.
This is the first time someone appreciated the lack of exercise in my life-style.

The second product he showed me was "Eloncream".
"Do you sometimes feel dejected in life? Do you feel like nobody respects you enough and that you lack in confidence?" he asked me.

"I am not aggressive but I dont think I lack in confidence." I said

"But you try this cream. It gives you great confidence and strength." he said with a wink.

Once I read the full instructions I got the picture. He was trying to sell a product that would increase the size of my privates. He didn't even think if it was offensive to reccomend such a product voluntarily to a male.

And then he takes out a product called "Lavia".

"You might not need it now but maybe after marriage." I was too skeptical after eloncream I was wondering what this might be. I just hoped it wasn't viagara. But worse, it turned out to be a breast cream to make it more plump and increase it by two cup size.

"why would I use such a thing". I asked him iritably.

He said "Later when you get married and are not satisfied then maybe you can use it on your wife." He gave a slimy grin.

In fury I said "I am sorry I really have to go to a meeting in 5 min. I cannot have this conversation anymore"

"Okay but let me leave you these samples. You can try them and contact me if the effect are good. I assure you will see the effects in hours. You will want more of them soon. I promise" he said winking his left eye.

I kept quiet and showed him the door.

We then shook hands and he said that we should still be friends. Parting his gooey hand he left my apartment.

It had been a while since I had gotten duped by these scehem walas but this one was different. I guess now they have taken a different strategy in duping people. What the hell, I now have funny story to share.